I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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