Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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