I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
