She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
