Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
