Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
