Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
i think we sleep fucked last night...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
