he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
