a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
