i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
