My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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