he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
