Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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