I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
