Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
