weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
