Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
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