Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
