I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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