I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
