Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Randomize
