did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
