Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We had sex on a dog bed..
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
