well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
