Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize