Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I don't deserve a penis
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
