I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
