So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I need to stop coming to work sober
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
