I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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