You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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