yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
