Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Let's get the cat blown out
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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