is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You pole danced in your parka.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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