nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
