He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
