this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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