The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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