The maid of honor just puked.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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