i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
