You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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