I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
