if i died would you start the facebook group?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
