I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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