I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize