So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
