I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
