I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
