Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
