I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
