I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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