dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
