So drunk its hurt
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize