How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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