I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Randomize
