the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
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Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
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I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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