So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i barfeds in our rink
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
