My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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