shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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