I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
