sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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