24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
