So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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