i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
