So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
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Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
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his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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