You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
