Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
