i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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