I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
