ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
