I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
