her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
