i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
