I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
