your parents love me but you hate me
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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