is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Shame - the story of my life.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
