Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
