she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
