i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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