They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
