My friends, they love my intelligence
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
