Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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