Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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