Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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