I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
