i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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