MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
