I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
