This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
