Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
