Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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