I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
